It has been year and a half into being single after my ex broke up with me to focus on being a father, I find myself in the most terrible position…
… I have found myself with a crush…
As freeing as it is to be released from the shackles of what once consumed me after being broken up with out of the blue, I find myself unsure of how to feel about having feelings again…
To be honest, it’s making me anxious. I refuse to make my big personality smaller for a man to like me, but also the human urge to want to be liked back by someone you admire is natural…
Unfortunately for me though, after being burned so bad, having feelings again has become unenjoyable…. The internal struggle of constantly thinking to yourself “ he hates me “ is tiresome. I’m also at a crossroads with my identity…
Since I have lost all interest in being desired by men, my wardrobe doesn’t really consist of girly attire… having a crush has made me reflect on how I’m not as girly as I would like to be…
It’s exhilarating and daunting at the same time. Because the thought of rejection doesn’t scare me. It’s the thought of “ what if this person likes me back ? “ – I enjoy the dynamic of our current relationship so I will ignore my stupid little woman feelings and cherish the fact that I am over my ex, and work through the fact that I am still not over how he did me…
I’m grateful to at least be out from the eternal pits of sadness and grief…
THANK GOD
Pretty's Playground 